North London Mum Shares Realities of Raising Autistic Children
By Ellise Hollie Hayward, Disabilities Correspondent
Clare is 43 and lives in North London with her partner and their two children. Her oldest son is almost six and was diagnosed with autism when he was two.
Her youngest son is nearly two and is currently being assessed for autism.
Being a parent to autistic children has completely changed how Clare understands autism.
She has had to unlearn many ideas she didn’t even realise she had. Her two children are very different from each other, which shows that autism looks different in everyone. No two autistic children are the same, and expecting them to be is wrong.
Clare runs an Instagram account called @londonautismmum.
She shares autism-friendly days out, helpful resources and support for other parents. When her videos receive a lot of views, she is often reminded how much people still misunderstand autism.
One thing Clare really wants people to understand is that autistic children may talk, make eye contact and seem like other children, especially during the short time someone sees them in public.
Autism is a neurological disability.
This means autistic children can struggle with sensory overload, anxiety and changes to routine. These things can be overwhelming. So when a child has a meltdown, runs away, doesn’t listen or seems rude, Clare asks people to stop and think.
The child may be autistic, not badly behaved. What looks like bad behaviour is often distress.
The idea that children just need to be “taught a lesson” or forced to cope is outdated. For autistic children, this can be harmful. Support and understanding are not spoiling a child; they are necessary. Autistic children aren’t naughty children who need better discipline — their brains work differently.
For Clare’s family, the biggest challenge is not the children themselves. The real problem is how little society understands autism and how many places are not accessible for them.
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Autism can be present from infancy. Some children lose skills as they grow, but many show differences from a very young age. Clare believes people need to talk about this more. It is also important to understand that there is no such thing as being “more” or “less” autistic — people simply have different support needs.
Everyday activities can be difficult. A birthday party in the park means constant watching in case the children suddenly run off. Busy or noisy places, like pubs, often mean the family has to stay at home.
Queuing is especially hard in shops, airports or even waiting for a turn in a game. Many neurodivergent children struggle to understand waiting and need to keep moving.
Meltdowns are not caused by bad parenting — they are a predictable response to stress.
Long bus or train journeys can also be overwhelming, as sensory stress builds up and suddenly becomes too much.
Even playing with other children can be tricky. Clare’s oldest child doesn’t always understand the unspoken rules of games and may play too roughly. This isn’t aggression — it’s sensory seeking. He isn’t trying to hurt anyone and often doesn’t realise what he is doing.
Her children may also speak loudly because they find it hard to control their voice volume. This can lead to looks or comments from others, even in places meant for young children.
These moments may seem small, but they happen every day and add up. Clare often receives advice based on how neurotypical children are raised, as if that is the only correct way to parent. She believes this is harmful.
Her family isn’t asking for special treatment. They are asking for understanding, flexibility and fair access. Inclusion isn’t about lowering expectations — it’s about making space so autistic children can take part safely, comfortably and with dignity.
